Money Mindset: Why Being Good With Money Doesn't Always Lead to Financial Freedom
Recently, I had the opportunity to join the Bloom Podcast for a conversation about my upcoming book, Money Is a Mirror. We talked about women in financial planning, why our relationship with money runs deeper than numbers, and how the beliefs we've carried for years shape the way we save, spend, and make decisions.
One part of the conversation has stayed with me.
People often assume that financial planners have money figured out.
After all, helping others make wise financial decisions is what we do every day. We build retirement plans, create investment strategies, and help people prepare for the future.
But after years of working with clients and examining my own relationship with money, I’ve learned a thing or two. Keep reading.
Responsibility Is a Strength…Until It Isn't
During our conversation, we talked about research shared by financial planning thought leader Michael Kitces showing that financial planners tend to score very high in conscientiousness, a personality trait associated with responsibility, preparation, and careful decision-making. Women in the profession often score even higher.
Not surprising, right? Because the best advisors think before they act. They want to serve people well. They consider the long-term impact of today's decisions.
And those qualities make for excellent financial planners. But they can also become exhausting ways to live.
Many women carry that same conscientiousness into every corner of life.
We ask ourselves:
Am I making the right decision?
Will someone think this is irresponsible?
Should I save this money instead?
What if I regret this later?
Eventually, responsibility can become over-responsibility. And we begin believing every decision has to be perfect before we make it.
Your Relationship With Money Starts Long Before Your First Investment
One of the biggest misconceptions about money is that it's simply about the numbers. It's much deeper than that.
Long before we opened our first checking account or contributed to a retirement plan, we were learning lessons about money. Maybe your family celebrated saving. Maybe spending money created anxiety. Maybe generosity was modeled beautifully. Maybe you learned that your needs should always come last.
Psychologists like Dr. Brad Klontz describe these deeply rooted beliefs as “money scripts” or unconscious beliefs that influence our financial decisions throughout life.
I've seen those patterns play out again and again with clients. The numbers are rarely the hardest part. The stories underneath them usually are.
"Making Do Like the Millers"
Growing up in Ohio and working with many families from Midwestern, Amish, and Mennonite backgrounds, I began noticing a different kind of money mindset.
Most people are familiar with the phrase "Keeping Up with the Joneses." That's the pressure to have more, spend more, and appear successful.
But many of the people I know aren't trying to keep up with anyone. If anything, they're trying not to stand out. They're making do. They'll drive the older vehicle. They'll postpone the vacation. They'll keep working a few more years "just to be safe."
Eventually, I gave this pattern a name: Making Do Like the Millers.
It's the other side of the same coin. Instead of seeking approval by having more, we seek approval by needing less. There's something beautiful about humility and stewardship. But there's also a question worth asking.
<At what point does stewardship become self-denial?>
Money Is a Mirror
That question is what led me to write Money Is a Mirror.
The title isn't really about money. It's about what money reflects. Our spending often reflects our beliefs about worth. Our savings can reveal how much uncertainty we're carrying. Our generosity shows what we value. Even the opportunities we avoid can reveal what we're afraid of.
<Money never created those beliefs. But it certainly exposes them.>
That's why two people with identical incomes and identical retirement accounts can experience completely different levels of peace. One feels free. The other feels guilty spending money they can comfortably afford.
The numbers aren't different. Their relationship with money is.
Financial Freedom Looks Different Than We Think
When people hear the phrase financial freedom, they usually think about a number.
A retirement goal. A net worth. A certain amount invested. And those things matter, but I don't think they're the whole story.
Financial freedom is also having the ability to align your money with the person you're becoming.
It's taking the trip you've been postponing because you finally believe your family is worth the memory.
It's hiring help because your time matters too. It's giving generously without fear.
It's retiring because you're ready, not because guilt convinced you to keep working.
Money becomes a tool for generating your purpose instead of simply preparing for a future that never seems to arrive.
The Conversation We Need to Have
One of my favorite moments from the Bloom Podcast was realizing that these ideas resonated far beyond financial planning.
Yes, we talked about women in finance. Yes, we talked about conscientiousness. But what we were really talking about was permission. Permission to stop measuring every decision by someone else's expectations. Permission to understand your relationship with money with curiosity instead of judgment. Permission to ask not only, "What can I afford?" but also, "Who am I becoming?"
Our conversations surfaced something profound: sometimes the greatest obstacle to financial freedom isn't a lack of money. It's a belief we've been carrying for years.
Listen to the Full Conversation
If these ideas resonate with you, I invite you to listen to the full conversation on the Bloom Podcast, where we dive deeper into money mindset, women in financial planning, Making Do Like the Millers, and the story behind Money Is a Mirror.
If you'd like to continue exploring these ideas, you may also enjoy:
Learn more about Money Is a Mirror™, my upcoming book and keynote exploring the connection between money, identity, and freedom.
Explore Coaching for Financial Advisors to see how mindset coaching helps advisors build businesses (and lives) that reflect what matters most.
Browse more articles on perfectionism, purpose, and creating a healthier relationship with money.
